I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
