i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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