her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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