I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
