Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
