If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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