I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
