We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
