Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
