we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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