she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
