shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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