and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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