Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
