Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
