You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
