blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
bring money and cleavage
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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