hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
