So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
