They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
