At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
