his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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