I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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