WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
