Don't you send me to vm
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
