His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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