Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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