It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
