I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
