dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
