Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
