It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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