Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
