If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
