Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
