Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
