I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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