I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
