You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
