i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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