Porn is love you can see.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
