I hate your face
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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