Kiss
Puke
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
