I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
