just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
