You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
