here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
