My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
