I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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