he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is it fun? or sober?
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