and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
