i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
